The Charmed Life

I’ve been so angry, so cold, so indifferent, so vengeful, so remorseful, so agitated, so bellicose. And I have nobody to blame except myself. I don’t completely understand why this is happening and when it’ll all pass, but all I know is that I’m not a very nice person. Sure, everyone has that inner bitch in themselves, but this is the first time mine has shown her face for so long. I have to say, it does take a lot to get me REALLY mad. I get irritated easily, but never truly ANGRY or HATEFUL. Maybe it’s just all the annoyances and angry moments have piled on in the past couple years and I’m just at my breaking point. All I know is that I’m even scaring myself.

This isn’t the Sarah I’ve learned to know and love. I don’t know this monster I’ve become.

I cannot wait until the day I bid farewell to you forever. Physically, I know we’ll unavoidably run into each other from time to time, but always know that my heart will have forgotten you. You are the biggest disappointment known to me, and you’ll never have my love again.

Goodbye, and take care because I won’t be around to watch out for your ass anymore.

Why is it that you get it so easy? Why is it that I’m always the one paving the road ahead for you? All you ever do is just follow my every step and have everything that I worked so hard for, just simply handed to you, based on the simple fact that we know each other. Everyday for the past three years I’ve been working my ass off for everything, but what about you? Why do you get to go out and party? Why is it that when I want to, I’m restricted because I’m claimed to be distracting to you? As if I don’t deserve to go out too right?

I’m so tired, exhausted, sick, annoyed of you and everything you do. I hate being responsible for you. I hate caring about you. I hate looking out for you. All for what? All to have you treat me like dirt. You’ll regret all of this one day. When I’m gone, you’ll realize what a great friend you just lost. I’m sick of you trying to act like you’re better than me, like you’ve lived life more than me, like you KNOW life like the back of your hand.

I’m always the nice one, the bigger person, the pushover. But not anymore. I’m not taking anymore shame and embarassament in front of my own friends who actually deserve to be called my friends. Yeah you might look down on me now just cause I’m not indulging in all the shit you do, but soon you’ll see how I was smart enough not to risk my entire future just for one fun night. I care about my future. I care about how my parents think of me. I care enough to not lie to them either.

I’ve lived my entire life in your shadow. But soon I’ll be the one in front and you’ll just be left in the dust. Go ahead, do all that shit to yourself. We’ll see who’s the last one standing.

Dayummm..we look good. (:

I have to say last night was by far so much better than what I was expecting. Despite the petty drama we had during the week with other people, this night was totally worth it.

The excitement didn’t really hit me until we actually started prepping with the makeup coming out and the dresses coming on. I never expect much from these school dances cause I don’t view myself as much of a party or dancing person. But this time it was different. I’m sure I surprised and scared some people with my crazy side. Don’t know when that side will ever come out again, but it won’t be soon.

I’m just so thankful for my girlies though. (: Wouldn’t have been the best without them. It was kind of awkward at first, but then again it always is in the beginning of these things, but once we got over that stage it got fun. At the end of the night, I did kind of want to go to the After Formal, but then again I’m glad we didn’t and we just went over to Kelley’s and got pizza.

Also much thanks to Daniel who got all of us five girls corsages. That man had five dates last night..living the dream. Haha. It was tiring as hell with my new shoes suffocating my feet, but it was THE BEST. I haven’t had that much fun in the longest time.

Looking forward to Prom 2011 now. (: I have to re-channel that inner craziness again…if it’s possible. Anyways, had an amazing night with my [single] ladies.